When we think of sex we almost always imagine an encounter that’s hot and steamy. All this released sexual tension matched with uncontrollable passion. What we don’t tend to fantasize, when it comes to sex, is the reality of it.

The truth is that sex is often awkward, and we don’t always know what we’re doing. 

It’s normal to want to stifle the urge to laugh or joke around while engaging in sex out of fear that it will ruin the moment, but I’d like for us to consider something else that might happen: it’ll bring you closer together.

It creates a bond 

You and your partner can create a stronger bond with one another by laughing off the many uncomfortable and humorous instances that come about from engaging in sexual activities.

I can relate to this, because most of my sex life up until the last few years entailed stifling the urge to point out the humor whilst fucking. I didn’t want to embarrass myself or my partner by making jokes. Even though there were moments when I really, really wanted to.

Let’s face it, sex is exciting. But it’s also hilarious. Like the time one of my partners had a panic attack while I sat on his face. Frankly, it felt even more awkward to not laugh it off afterwards. How about the time I attempted to stick a finger in my partner’s butt, and he shouted in horror, “Nails!” That was funny too.

Again, neither one of us laughed it off. If we did, I think a lot more tension would have been released. Instead, we had to do the weird thing where we pretended nothing happened and tried to move on. 

It creates a feeling of security (which leads to better sex)  

I decided to let myself make a joke with my most recent sexual partner, and the result was surprisingly positive. We were engaging in some pretty serious dirty talk, and I had run out of things to say. So, I just flat out asked, “You want to get dinner after this?”

He paused, and laughed. I laughed too. It doesn’t sound all that hilarious now, I know, but in the moment it made us both crack up. Probably because it was a way to release our nerves. The kind of nerves we all inevitably get when we’re having sex with someone new, with whom we might not be all that familiar yet. This was only our third or fourth time having sex, and his ability to laugh with me made me feel a lot closer to him. In the end, that extra feeling of closeness made the sex itself feel a lot more enjoyable. I felt more comfortable with him, and more secure. 

It's not open mic night, though 

Of course, it would have been bad if all we did was laugh and make fun of one another. Insulting is not the way to go, even if it’s meant purely in jest. I don’t want you to think I’m encouraging you to make fun of your partner’s appearance, or body, or sexual style. That...would not be a smart move. Doing that will only make things worse. Furthermore, I definitely don’t think you should have jokes specially prepared either. This isn’t an open mic, so please please please don’t try out any stand up material. 

The point I’m trying to make is that there’s no harm in addressing when something funny or awkward or insanely uncomfortable happens during sex.

The likelihood of your partner finding it funny, too, is high. You can go right back to taking your highly anticipated orgasms seriously. Go ahead, you’ve earned them!

Letting yourself be removed from the experience for just a moment or two is not going to ruin the experience. In fact, it’s more likely to enhance it. Sex is as much psychological as it is physical. Comfort goes a long way in improving pleasure. Shaking off your nerves with a chuckle or two might be just what you need to make your sex even hotter. 

Cover Photo Source: iStockphoto