Sex is...many things. 

Amazing? Yes. Fulfilling? Sure. Fun? Absolutely.

Sex is also messy and ridiculous. It’s messy and ridiculous when you first start having it and, to be honest, that never really goes away. Your skills get better, definitely. If you have the same partner for a long time, then you learn what they like and they learn what you like and you get damn good at having sex with each other. But the awkward things still happen. In fact, when you can learn to laugh it off during sex, that’s really part of the fun. 

If you have sex with someone new for the first time and things go badly, just remember that you are not alone.

Here are some of the completely normal things that can happen during sex that you shouldn't feel weird about.

1. Men Don’t Just Perform On Cue 

It’s totally normal for a dude not to be able to get it up- especially if he’s nervous with his new partner. It’s almost 100% not you, and it's not him either. It just happens. I had sex with a guy who couldn’t get it up for the first three weeks we tried— but then we had sex like five times a night for the next five months with no problems at all. Don’t stress about it.

2. And If He’s Not Fully Hard, It’s Not Going In  

There’s not much more uncomfortable than a guy trying shove his flaccid penis inside you.

Also: Why do they try using so much thumb!? Stop it with the damn thumbs. 

3. It Might Be Warmer Down There Than You Think 

Apparently our vaginas are basically like pizza ovens down below.

Screen Shot 2017-09-22 at 9.26.24 AM.png

Who knew? 

4. Dirty Talk Isn’t Always Sexy 

I mean, it can be bad. Really bad.

We’ve all said something stupid or weird, so it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

Pro tip: If you're bad at dirty talk, there's no shame in responding with an enthusiastic "uh-huh". 

5. Nails Can Destroy You 

If you are sleeping with a person with a vagina then cutting your nails is a mustI can’t stress this enough.

A hangnail with my first boyfriend almost crippled me for life. 

6. There Are Going To Be Noises... A Lot Of Noises 

Squelching, queefing, weird slapping when your stomachs hit each other— sex involves a lot of weird noises.

Screen Shot 2017-09-22 at 9.34.04 AM.png

Don’t feel self-conscious, it just happens. That horrible fart noise when you have sex in the summer and your two stomachs keep meshing together with sweat and breaking apart? Yeah, that’s normal too. Laugh it off and keep going. 

7. You Will Make Mistakes 

I have kneed my girlfriend in the vagina and accidently elbowed a guy in the face. I have fallen off of the bed.

Mistakes happen. You are not the first person to do something totally clumsy. You don’t need to feel terribly about it. 

8. Guys Won’t Always Know Where To Find It 

No, I’m not talking your clit— although that’s definitely true, too. But some guys straight up won’t know where to put their dick.

Screen Shot 2017-09-22 at 9.41.27 AM.png

A little guidance is necessary from time to time, because the entrance isn’t always where they think it is. 

9. And Finally: Putting A Condom Isn’t Always Easy, But You Have To Do It 

Unless it's a monogamous relationship, and you've both been tested recently, and you're using another form of contraception, then you have to do it. No exceptions. Go through as many condoms as you have to. 

To be honest, this is just part of the list. There is an infinite number of things that can happen when you get two naked people doing stuff to each other. It’s all part of what makes it exciting and fun and silly.

The most important thing to remember is that it’s totally normal. Whether you slip during shower sex or accidentally pop off of his dick during cowgirl, you have nothing to worry about.

It happens to everyone— I promise.