Sexting doesn’t come naturally to everyone. And that’s totally OK— I was nervous AF the first few times I did. When you say something during sex, it all sort of gets blurred away in the heat of the moment. But seeing it there in black and white, well, it can look downright cringey. I felt like everything I said was really silly... or so explicit that I should be arrested. But, being stranded an ocean away from the guy I was seeing for a whole month meant that I had to just get over myself and take the leap— and I never looked back. Because once you get over the initial awkwardness, sexting can be great for your self esteem and for your relationship.

First of all, I thought sending sexy photos would make me feel intimated and self-conscious, but actually I found it empowering AF. Plus, it’ll be great to have the photos to look back on when my bits aren’t all where they used to be. Secondly, it’s a great way to keep the passion alive in your relationship, whether you’re stuck in different places or just during busy period. It’s nice to be able to keep an intimate and sexual spark going when you might not otherwise be able to. 

So how do you make it work for you? Here’s how to craft a killer sext: 

1. Don’t Be Afraid To Be Specific

Sexting is all about description. Yes, it might feel weird typing out things like, “Your rock-hard cock” or “I want to be fucking you from behind”, but unless you go into details then you’re going to run out of steam real quick. And remember, they’re turned on— so they’re going to love reading it, no matter how detailed it is. 

2. Do Refer To Actual Instances 

If you’re feeling tongue tied or suffering from a loss of imagination, you can always use real memories. Saying, “I just can’t stop thinking about this morning” or “I want you to fuck me like you did on Saturday” means that you don’t even have to come up with a fantasy— and you reaffirm how amazing your sex life already is. 

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3. Don’t Send Unsolicited Pics

Even if you are sexting with someone, make sure you only send pictures if you’re sure they want them. Either because they asked, you know them well enough, or because you know they’re not somewhere where it will cause a problem. Nobody wants random dudes on the bus seeing your nudes. 

4. Do Establish A Level Of Trust First 

This is especially true if you’re sending photos, but also important for any kind of sexting. You need to make sure that you’re comfortable with this person having your words and photos— even if things go wrong between you. Just give it some thought. 

5. Don’t Worry Too Much About The Presentation 

Sometimes you might switch from saying, “I want you to ride your cock” to “You’re licking my pussy” to “I’m imagining your hard dick in my mouth”— it’s totally normal to switch between tenses, descriptions, moves. It’s sexting, not Hemmingway. Don’t get caught up on the details. 

6. Do Have Fun With It

In the same way you would in the bedroom, you can tease, you can delay gratification, you can flirt. There are so many options, so make sure you’re playing around just as much as you would during normal sex. It’ll make the sexting more fun and the payoff way more intense. 

7. Don’t Overuse Emojis 

I really, really shouldn’t have to say this— but I do. Sure, emojis can be helpful if that’s the way you and this person like to communicate, but only in moderation. Saying, “I want to eat your pussy ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)” is just downright disturbing. Either use the emoji in place of something playful or explicit— or don’t use it at all. The combination is too weird. 

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8. Do Use Language That You’re Comfortable With

I would suggest that being totally explicit can be really sexy— but if you don’t agree, that’s cool too. You can always stick with, “I can’t stop thinking about touching you” or “I love how it feels when you’re inside of me” to avoid using language that you feel weird about. It’s all about making you feel sexy!

9. Don’t Stress If You Say Something Silly

Maybe something you type makes no sense. Maybe it’s a big typo. Maybe it was just downright weird— no matter what, don’t stress about it. Just like slip-ups during sex, most of them will be forgotten within a second or two— if they ever noticed them to begin with. 

Sexting can be intimidating at first, but it doesn’t have to be. Once you get into the groove, you can find that it’s a great way to keep your relationship spark alive when you can’t see each other. And more than that, it might help you realize what a sexy, empowered creature you are. Because it can make you feel sexy as hell, when you do it right.