Culture
So You Think You're Bi-Curious?: A Beginner's Guide on How To Start Experimenting with Other Women
By Lea Rose Emery
Challenging the presumed default of heterosexuality is great, but sadly some people are still embarrassed to embrace and explore the possibility of their queerness.
You definitely shouldn’t be. It can come in many forms. Maybe you’ve noticed that you check out women more often than you realized. Maybe you’re having full-on fantasies about being with another woman— it doesn’t matter. There’s nothing to feel weird about.
So many women have wondered what it would be like to be with another woman. In fact, some research has argued that all women are queer because every woman has the capacity for same-sex attraction. But I personally think it’s ridiculous to tell anyone what their sexual orientation is. That's for you to determine, and you alone.
Still, there are plenty of women who are plenty curious about what it’s like to dabble in the sapphic arts. And if you’re one of them, then you've got every reason to go for it. The social taboos about lesbianism are, thankfully, lifting. Other people’s close-mindedness is never a good reason to keep you from doing something that you want to do, anyway. There is too much to explore to let that get in the way.
It could open the door to a whole other world of your sexuality. The key is to be open-minded and respectful. As long as you remember that, there are so many different ways to go about it.
Here’s what you need to remember.
You’re Not Alone
When I said that a lot of women are curious, it’s not just a turn of phrase. In addition to the study that claimed all women were a little bit queer, there’s also the fact that the most common porn category viewed by women is lesbian porn. And we’re not talking about lesbians watching lesbian porn; it’s the most popular category among all cis women. So it’s safe to say that a lot of women you know have at least thought about it.
Now, not all women are interested in acting on those fantasies. But they're very common and there’s nothing wrong with having them.
If you have a really honest relationship with any of your female friends, you can try asking them if they’ve ever been curious. You might be surprised by what you find.
You Never Know Until You Try
More than that, there’s no way to predict how you’ll react to something until you try it.
I would encourage every person to act on any bisexual curiosities they might have— because what’s there to lose? I thought I might be interested in women, but it wasn’t until I actually went for it that I realized how true it was. I would have missed out on so much if I hadn’t taken the leap.
If you don’t like it? That’s totally fine too. But there’s no point in missing out on what could be a huge part of your sexuality because you’re embarrassed to take the first step.
Also... what they say about the home-court advantage is true. Trust me. Being familiar with the terrain can make a huge difference. It’s a damn scientific fact that lesbians have more orgasms than anyone else. Do you want to miss out on all that fun?
You Know How Not To Be An Assh*le About It
One of the biggest arguments against exploring your sexuality is that you don’t want to use someone for experimentation– and I get that. But you know how not to be a dick about it. As long as you’re open with the person about the fact that you’re inexperienced and not sure and they accept that, there’s no harm done.
I’ve had sex with women who were experimenting with their sexuality and may or may not have had sex with a woman again— I’m totally fine with that. I knew what I was getting into.
And the truth is everyone experiments. We experiment and ‘try out’ every new partner we ever have, even when sexuality doesn’t come into it at all. Sometimes it’s a fit, sometimes it’s not. As long as every person knows what they’re getting into, there’s nothing wrong with it.
There Are So Many Ways To Do It
Exploring your curious urges doesn’t have to mean going all in and picking up any random woman in a bar. You can ease in by talking to women on Tinder, or whatever dating app you use. If you’re in a relationship, you can bring it up with your partner and experiment with them. Even though sex may be the end goal, feel free to move as slowly as you need. As with anything sexual, it should be about everyone feeling comfortable. Then again, you might be ready to jump right in there with a strap-on. That’s OK too.
It’s natural to feel nervous about experimenting with your sexuality for the first time — I did, so I completely understand. But if you do it right and at your own pace, there’s nothing to lose and so much to gain.
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