4 sex dealbreakers (and why you should make them yours, too)
Personally, I tend to roll my eyes at catty lists of dealbreakers when it comes to sex and/or relationships. We’re all wired differently, right? So why would a vast array of unique individuals ever come together in agreement on any one list of no-nos? Some of us might enjoy being spat on or peed on or slapped or bossed around while others among us are horrified at the thought. But a kink does not a dealbreaker make. Read the following list and then tell me we have no common ground.
Sexy divas from all walks of life: consider the following 4 sex dealbreakers the next time his paws give you pause.
1. Condom hesitation
Ok, this one should really be a no-brainer for anyone using condoms as a form of protection. Most if not all of us hetero gals have been in a situation where a guy has resisted wearing a condom, and many of us have had multiple instances of being so swept up in the heat of the moment that we get swept up in the heat of the bareback dream at the same time. It happens to the best of us—take it from me. I’ve heard all manner of excuses come from the mouths of men: they can’t stay hard; they can’t cum, they will pull out; they are pro-abortion… If that last one made your jaw drop, then chances are, you get why any energy a guy makes you spend to protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy or STIs is energy far better spent somewhere else—or dare I say, on somebody else?
2. Bad hygiene
Many of us have been there ourselves: you’re less than squeaky clean and Mr. Lover wants to tear your clothes off and go downtown. There are ways to work the situation in your favor, like playfully moving the party to the nearest shower. Maybe you’ve had a guy take initiative and carry you over the threshold and into the shower before too. There’s nothing wrong with cleansing your playdate, and it doesn’t speak ill of a person if they’re willing to go along with it. But if your man is dirty, and he resists cleaning up (for whatever reason), things can be less than desirable, let’s just say. Why not bring your best self to the sheets, I say? It’s one thing if you like inhaling his unwashed pheromones—lord knows I’m not knocking that. But there’s good dirty and bad dirty. Uncut nails fall into the bad dirty category, by the way—ouch! Any lover worth his salt should want you to feel good—and not hesitate to make him feel good in the process.
3. Not enough foreplay
You gotta be ready for penetration before penetration occurs, am I right? You can’t have buddy just ramming himself into you when you’re not yet wet. Sometimes (or, always), it can take some foreplay to get you in the mindset and to get your girl in the slip-slidey game. Also: just because you’re moist does not mean you’re ready. Some guys may not realize it can actually be really painful when they go in without showing your sensitive blossom the love it requires. Anything less is disrespectful. I’ve actually told men when they need to stop and “warm me up” first, and I’ve had men tell me to just touch myself while they’re inside me—ignoring the fact that I just said I wasn’t ready. Ew. Lack of consent, much? Time to show this guy the door.
4. Lack of passion
Ok, you may balk at the word passion, and I get it. It’s kind of up there with the word “soulmate” at this point, and who’s banging any soulmates these days, right? Cynicism aside (I’m actually more of a romantic than I let on), your bedmate need not be your true love or anything, and you need not be in a committed relationship, but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that dude should at the very least be really into it. Obvious though this may sound, there does exist a breed of man who likes to play it cool—even in bed. If you want an ass-grabbing, heavy-breathing, grunting man who is moved by your every move (receptive, shall we say), well, you deserve one. Sex should be great, regardless of what kind of relationship inspires it.
Bottom line: consent and communication are paramount to any positive sexual experience. Anyone who fails to respect these basic tenets is very likely not worth a second go-round.
Cover image source: Project Object