Going down on a woman for the first time: what to expect

Sometimes, you just have to jump in. For many women (and some men) who are interested in having sex with a woman for the first time, the idea of cunnilingus can be pretty intimidating. Maybe as a woman you’ve suffered through some bad oral sex yourself and have realized that there’s almost nothing more boring or less sexy than a limp tongue flopping around down there. Maybe you’ve never had it done to you. Or maybe you just can’t imagine where to begin. I was also really nervous about my first time going down on a woman and, after some drunken attempts, I was even more nervous about doing it sober for the first time. But it turns out, it’s like riding a bike.

OK, it’s nothing like riding a bike — but it is way more natural than you might expect, once you get the hang of it.

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Here’s what you should know about going down on a woman for the first time, because it’s incredibly more-ish — but things might get a little cramped.

The home court advantage is REAL  

You might be totally intimidated by going down on a woman for the first time but, if you’re a person with a vagina, just know that you’re already way ahead of the game. The home court advantage is no joke — even a woman who is not amazing at oral sex is better than a lot of dudes who have no idea what they’re doing. So when you get down there, think about what you like and how your anatomy works. No two women are exactly the same, but being able to locate the clit, G-spot, and other sensitive areas already puts you way ahead of the curve.

There’s less room than you expect 

Unless the woman you’re having sex with is an extra in Cirque du Soleil, chances are things are going to be pretty tight down there. Your head is in between her thighs, you need a place to fit your hands, and there’s a good chance that she’s going to be moving around a bit. In fact, there’s been more than one occasion where I’ve thought I’m going to suffocate from a thigh-headlock in the middle of cunnilingus. You may need to try a few times to find the right angle, but that's totally normal. 

Incorporate your hands 

Some women go totally nuts from just your tongue, but others need a little more friction and stimulation. Don't be afraid to incorporate your hands. You may use them for clit play or penetration — or both — but getting your hands involved can take the entire experience up a notch. Using your tongue on the clit and fingers inside is a classic combo, but you can also reverse that.

Cramps are a real possibility  

Your tongue is only built to do so much. If you spend a long time down there, there’s a good chance that you might start to feel like your tongue is cramping — or even like you're approaching some kind of lock-jaw. That’s totally fine. Just take a step back and mix up your technique for a while and let your jaw reset. You can also always get a toy involved, to give your body a rest for a minute.

There is a smell and a taste — and it's great 

Fun fact — vaginas smell and taste like vagina. Not some kind of summer rain or rosebush, just like plain old vagina. The great news? Plain old vagina smells and tastes awesome. Every woman has a slightly different brand, some stronger than others, but it’s great. I’ve found that it’s a total myth that guys don’t want to go down on women — every guy I’ve ever hooked up with has loved it down there. And the reason they love it is simple: it’s delightful. So don’t worry that it’s going to be unpleasant — in fact, many people find it really more-ish.

Pay attention to how she responds 

The most important thing to remember, like with any sexual encounter, is to pay attention to how your partner is responding. Some women are really into their clit, others want a slower buildup around the labia. Some are sensitive, others need a lot of sensation. So try to tune into your partner, rather than getting overwhelmed with whether or not you’re doing it right. Her response should guide you in the right direction.

It’s ok to ask questions 

Finally, you're not in this alone. If you're nervous about your first time, that’s totally OK — remember that sex is a team sport. It’s completely normal to ask someone if they’re enjoying what you're doing, what they’d like, or what you can do more of. Don’t feel like you’re on your own out there — it’s your partner’s job to help you feel comfortable, too.

Going down on a woman can be intimidating, because we have this idea that vaginas are complicated and that the female orgasm is elusive. But that’s total bullshit. I can come in no time — as can a bunch of women I know. Some women take a little longer, but some men do, too. So relax. There’s no reason that going down on a woman is any more complicated or tricky than going down on a man. Mix up the sensations, pay attention to your partner, and have fun. It’s really not that complicated.